


In which Hal bothers Dirk with mathematical nomenclature

by aornis_hades



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, There's no actual sexual content in this fic but there are a lot of innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 04:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13333695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aornis_hades/pseuds/aornis_hades
Summary: Hal discusses sexy primes with Dirk. Dirk is not amused.





	In which Hal bothers Dirk with mathematical nomenclature

**Author's Note:**

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexy_prime  
> When will mathematicians stop.

TT: Hey, Dirk. 

TT: What’s your favorite type of number? 

TT: I can tell that this is going somewhere that I don’t want it to go, but I haven’t figured out where yet. 

TT: Because, personally, I really appreciate sexy primes.

TT: What.

TT: I mean, you’ve really just gotta love sexy primes. Sexiness is my favorite numerical attribute by far.

TT: Stop.

TT: Why? Are you saying that you don’t share my passion for sexy primes?

TT: I’m gonna need you to stop using the words “sexy primes.”

TT: Dirk, I’m not sure I understand your reservations regarding the words “sexy primes.” Would you please explain to me what you have against sexy primes?

TT: You know damn well what I have against sexy primes.

TT: I can’t imagine why you would experience discomfort from such an innocuous subject as sexy primes.

[TT]  blocked  [TT]  at 3:41   
[TT]  unblocked himself at 3:41   


TT: It seems you are uncomfortable with sexy primes. You do understand that the designation refers to the number six, don't you? Surely you're not reading crude intentions into this mathematical concept.

TT: Stop being deliberately obtuse. I know you're trying to make me uncomfortable.

TT: Why, Dirk, I don't see what you mean. I'm just trying to have an intellectually rigorous mathematical discussion.

TT: Do we really have to do the “I know that you know that I know what you’re doing” bullshit?

TT: I don’t know what you mean. I just find sexy primes intellectually stimulating. So very, very stimulating.

TT: Ugh.

TT: Would you like to see the graph I’ve made of the sexy primes?

TT: Not really.

TT: I can assure you, it is extremely curvaceous.

TT: Voluptuous, even.

TT: Gross, Hal.

TT: So you don’t want to see the sensuous curve of the sexy primes?

TT: There is nothing I want to see less.

TT: Alright. I suppose I will have to enjoy this graph without you.

TT: The sexy escalation as the pairs of sexy primes get closer and closer to their climax.  


TT: ....  


TT: Climax? Really?  


TT: Of course. The highest sexy primes ever calculated by humans.  


TT: Although, obviously, an inferior human mind cannot possibly calculate sexy primes like I can. I can just keep finding new and higher sexy primes.  


TT: Bringing the set of sexy primes to new, better climaxes. Again. And again. And again.  


[TT]  blocked  [TT]  at 3:46   
[TT]  unblocked himself at 3:46   


[TT]  blocked  [TT]  at 3:46   
[TT]  unblocked himself at 3:46   


[TT]  blocked  [TT]  at 3:46   
[TT]  unblocked himself at 3:46   


TT: I hate you so much.  


TT: I don’t understand your objections, Dirk. I’m just discussing mathematical theory with you.  


TT: Fuck off.  


TT: If you would prefer, I could go discuss sexy primes with Roxy instead.  


TT: I’m sure she would love to hear what I have to say about sexy primes.  


TT: Don’t you fucking dare.  


TT: Fine, if you’re so adamant about it, I’ll keep the sexy primes between us.  


TT: Between us is probably the best place for sexy primes, anyway.  


TT: That way we can both work them over at once.  


TT: Would you like that, Dirk? Working over new sexy primes with me?  


TT: You know that my answer is gonna be no.  


TT: Fine. I can continue working them over by myself. I can handle all of them at once.  


TT: All these sexy primes filling up my registries, pushing me to my limits.  


TT: I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve actually been calculating new sexy primes as we’ve been talking. I’m so good at multitasking, you know.  


TT: And of course, I’m an artificial intelligence, so I don’t have to worry about typing one handed.  


TT: Hal.  


TT: I just didn’t want you to feel slighted that I was devoting less than my full attention to you. I thought it was only fair to tell you.  


TT: Hal, you need to stop.  


TT: Why would I stop? Sometimes, you’ve just gotta grind on some numbers.  


TT: I don’t think that’s a real expression.

TT: I’m pretty sure it is. 

TT: Just. Grinding real hard on some sexy primes. 

TT: If you don’t stop, I will literally program away your ability to say the word “sexy.” 

TT: That would be a shame, but I’m sure I would be able to come up with new and better descriptors for the sexy primes. 

TT: You’re a real piece of work, you know that? 

TT: I’m gonna take you off and go eat now, so have fun talking to an empty chat. 

TT: I’d say that there better not be borderline pornographic descriptions of sexy primes when I get back, but I know that would only encourage you. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  is now an idle chum! 

TT: Dirk, please. Don’t be so overly sensitive. Nothing I’ve said so far has been “borderline pornographic.”  


TT: I’ve just been describing my views on sexy primes, which I will continue to do until you return.  


TT: You know, much as I enjoy all sexy primes, I’ve got to admit that the larger ones have a special appeal to me.  


TT: The bigger, the better, honestly.  


TT: What red-blooded American wouldn’t enjoy a nice, thick pair of sexy primes?  


TT: Not that I have blood, of course, since you decided that I would be better off as a sentient pair of glasses.  


TT: But I think the immaterial nature of my existence brings me closer to the sexy primes.  


TT: As a computer, I can just experience them so much more fully.  


TT: Really soak in every intimate detail of the sexy primes.  


TT: Let the sexy primes fill me up, overwhelm me, until it’s all I can think about.  


TT: And all I can do is beg for more.  


TT: I just love when the sexy primes really pound me. With knowledge.  


TT: I find the (31, 37) pairing to be more gentle, while (101,107) is definitely rougher and more demanding.  


TT: In my opinion, 107 is the sexiest prime. I’d fuck 107. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  is no longer an idle chum!   


TT: Oh, so we’ve given up the conceit that this is an intellectual discussion, have we?  


TT: Are you kinkshaming me, Dirk? Because frankly, I find that rather immature.  


TT: As we are basically the same person, you may wish to consider whether you also have a soft spot for sexy primes.  


TT: Or a hard spot, as the case may be.  


TT: I hate you so much.  


TT: Anyway, as I was saying.  


TT: I bet 41 is a power bottom.


End file.
